


Valentine's Day

by Shadowy_Dumbo_Octopus



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Both MC and Jules overthink a lot, But they relax a bit so it's chill, Dorks in Love, F/M, MC is an anxious wreck, Portia is the only sane person in this relationship and she's not even -in- the relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 17:16:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13686192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowy_Dumbo_Octopus/pseuds/Shadowy_Dumbo_Octopus
Summary: Mari and Julian celebrate their first Valentine's Day together. Modern Day AU with fem!MC.





	Valentine's Day

**Author's Note:**

> Now okay. Before we start, here's the thing. I used to use Mari as a regular self-insert for dating sims, but recently she grew a, well, a personality. A story. Two arch-enemies et cetera. So I felt that I should incorporate these things into the fic to flesh her out a little. 
> 
> The fact that she regularly hangs out with two idiots capable of destroying the universe really takes away the impact of Julian's "I don't want you to get hurt because of me" dilemma, because dude; whatever you're worried about, she can probably handle.
> 
> There was this art game on Twitter a while ago where you had to smash together your favourite characters/tropes into a new character. Mari, Vex and Eric are the results of that, so M's a bookworm with swords and magic, E's an evil mad scientist who dabbles in black magic, and V's a shadowy eldritch monstrosity who thinks that he's the shit but he's really a huge nerd.
> 
> That's it in a nutshell. Enjoy the fic!

It was a gorgeous sunny morning in Vesuvia as Mari practically skipped out of her apartment. The shop was closed that day, so neither she nor Asra (who was probably still in bed at that point) had to get up particularly early, but she reckoned that doing so would allow her to get more things done.

First, a visit to the bakery for a quick bite of her favourite pumpkin bread and a chat with the baker.

“So, got any plans for V-day, lass?” The man asked as she ate. “Me, I’m bakin’ Nora that cake she really likes.”

“The strawberry and cream one?” Mari asked, taking a sip of tea from her thermos.

“Yep.” The baker puffed out his chest proudly. “But don’ tell her, alright? It’s gonna be a surprise.”

Mari laughed. “My lips are sealed.” She promised. “Regarding my plans, this time it’s not going to be marathoning _Lord of the Rings_ and eating my weight in ice cream. Because this year I, Margery Rowan, have acquired a boyfriend!”  
And boy, was the task challenging. It took them both about four months to stop pining for each other and freaking out about the possibility of hurting each other.

“Ah, wonderful!” Both she and the baker jumped when a short chubby woman emerged from the storeroom, carrying two fresh loaves of bread. “I always knew that someone will see you for the angel you are, dear.”

The baker shot Mari a Look, to which she responded by pressing a finger to her lips. He relaxed noticeably. “A lucky fella.” He chuckled, standing up from her table and picking up the empty plate. “Bring him along sometime, will ya? Maybe even today – Nora’s cupcakes are a hit among the youth nowadays.”

Mari smiled, trying to stop blushing, and pulled out her wallet. “Um, yeah. Maybe. I’ll see how the date goes. Thank you so much again.” She paid, said goodbye, accepted two pastel pink cupcakes, tried to pay for them as well, was told that she didn’t have to, tried harder, gave up, said thank you five times, said goodbye again, and exited the bakery.

The morning seemed even chillier after the left the warm establishment, so Mari wrapped her coat and scarf more tightly around herself and hurried back home.

Just as she got there, her phone buzzed once, twice, thrice.

_Loser #1: Hi Mari!_  
_Loser #2: Hey Mars!_  
_Loser #2: Guess what day it iiiiisssssssssss!!!_

Mari rolled her eyes before swiping the messages from her notifications and opening the group chat. 

_Mari: Hi Eric, hi Vex. Yes, I’m very well aware what day it is today._  
_Loser #1: So, you’ve any plans?_  
_Loser #2: Dude, she has a boyfriend. She better have plans._  
_Loser #1: Oh right._  
_Mari: Neither my plans nor my boyfriend are any of your business._  
_Mari: Don’t you two have shitty horror movies to marathon or something?_  
_Loser #2: We have SOME plans – ones that rely on you being with your bf all day ;)_  
_Loser #1: 0:)_  
_Mari: OH MY GOD PLEASE DON’T BLOW ANYTHING UP THIS TIME!_  
_Loser #2: 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:) 0:)_  
_Loser #1: Oh don’t worry about us. Worry about having a good day with the tall dark mysterious stranger who stepped out of a gothic romance novel and into your heart._  
_Mari: Very funny, dipshits. I’ve been looking forward to this day for a while now, and if you ruin it for me I WILL hurt both of you._  
_Loser #2: We know._  
_Loser #2: That’s why you won’t find out what we did until AFTER today._  
_Loser #1: :D_  
_Mari: I hate both of you._  
_Loser #2: Yo, see the loser breaks your heart, we’re gonna torture him._  
_Mari: ABSOLUTELY OUT OF THE QUESTION._  
_Loser #1: That wasn’t a request for permission, Mars._  
_Loser #1: Enjoy your date!_  
_Loser #2: Toodles :)_

“Ugh.” Mari closed the group chat and muted the notifications. Honestly, Vex and Eric were like two incredibly annoying younger siblings sometimes. Except infinitely more likely to destroy a large portion of the city if she didn’t keep them in check. She hoped that whatever they had planned for Valentine’s Day wasn’t overly bloody or destructive. Then again, Eric did figure out how to open a portal to a dimension full of bloodthirsty giant crabs, so who knew?

They technically indirectly helped her get together with Julian, she mused as she unlocked the door to her apartment and stepped inside. _I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,_ Julian said. _I battle an evil warlock and an overpowered eldritch monstrosity on a regular basis – I think that I’ll be fine,_ Mari replied. _Holy shit,_ said Julian as he struggled to find a response to that. And there they were, dating since late November and about to spend their first Valentine’s Day together.

Life could be beautiful sometimes.

Excited but slightly nervous about the aforementioned date, Mari took off her coat and shoes before heading to her desk. She opened a drawer and took out her tarot deck. Let’s see… A simple three card reading should be enough. Let's see how the date will go.

Shuffle, cut, pick one stack, spread, choose three.

Card one: The Moon – Upright. _Do not ignore your inner voice. Trust your intuition to lead you true, and the darkness will fade._  
Card two: The Lovers – Upright. _Remember the value of connection and communication. A new partnership may soon be in your future._  
Card three: The Hermit – Reversed. _Be wary of retreating too far within your own mind. Others still have valuable things to share._

Okay, Mari exhaled. That… wasn't bad. It should be okay as long as she doesn’t shut herself off and trusts her intuition. Talk to him, she told herself. Just open your mouth and verbally interact with the object of your affections. No, you won’t sound like an idiot. It will be fine. Just trust your gut and try to be charming. Don’t overthink it. Julian is already heads over heels for you, right? Or is he? …GODDAMNIT! 

She reached for her thermos and downed the rest of her chamomile tea in hopes of relaxing a little. It. Will. Be. FINE! Damn her insecurities.

Anyway, she had to find something to wear for the date – they were supposed to meet for lunch, which was only four hours away!!! A dress? No, too cold outside. Nope, that shirt won’t do either. A hoodie is too casual. That sweater won’t match her scarf. Perhaps that one? No, it won’t match her coat. Wait, which coat? 

IT WILL NOT BE FINE AT ALL!

“Portia!” She cried into her phone. “Help me!”

Portia rolled her eyes, paused the movie she was watching, shoved Pepi off her lap, winced as the exact same cry came from the direction of Julian’s room, and went to retrieve her boots. 

“I’m on my way.”

~~~

They were sitting in a large pile of clothing, with Portia rummaging through the sweaters and Mari having a miniature panic attack.

“Oh my god, Portia, what if he won’t like me?” She was fidgeting with her scarf nervously. “What if I’ll scare him away somehow? I’ll never live it down!”

“Relax, dummy.” Portia leaned forward to pat her hand reassuringly. “I’m pretty sure that you two are past that ‘scaring away’ stage, and besides my brother will love you no matter what you’ll wear.” She paused. “Hey, if it makes you feel better, he was freaking out too as I was leaving. I think that you both are overthinking this.”

“Maybe,” Mari bit her lip, “but you know me, I can’t help it.”

Portia nodded before holding up a grass-green turtleneck. “How about this one? It matches your scarf.”

Mari shook her head. “Too informal. It’s a date, Portia, on top of that on Valentine’s Day. I can’t just be all casual!”

“Why not?”

“Because!”

Portia’s phone buzzed. She unlocked it and grinned. 

“From Ilya.” She explained, seeing Mari’s questioning gaze. She brought the phone to her ear. “Hi, brother.” She winced. “Okay, okay, stop shouting. Yeah, I had to go out for a bit, I didn’t hear you… Uh huh… Okay, slow down… stop freaking out… yeah… listen, Mari will love it no matter what you wear, I promise. I’m sure it won’t be a disaster. Yeah, the red tie should be nice. Wait, what do you…” 

She facepalmed.

“DON’T WEAR YOUR TUX, DUMMY. IT’S JUST A DATE, FOR GOODNESS’S SAKE… NO, THE THREE PIECE CHARCOAL SUIT IS TOO MUCH AS WELL. Just… Just wear something casual. You’re going out for lunch, not a coronation. Deep breaths, Ilya, it’s gonna be okay. Yeah, I’ll be back soon and I’ll help you then. Yeah, bye.”

She pressed ‘end call’ and turned back to Mari. “See? He’s freaking out just as much as you, if not more. Relax, wear something nice, and try to breathe.” She frowned. “Breathe.”

Mari exhaled before taking a deep breath. “Okay.” The phone call and Julian’s evident nervousness did reassure her a bit. “Maybe… maybe I should go with that green sweater like you said.”

“Right!” Portia clapped her hands, relieved that they were getting somewhere. “Next up, skirt or pants? I’d say go for trousers in this weather. These jeans seem nice…”

So it continued for about thirty minutes until they gathered a complete outfit, shoes, and accessories. Then they moved on to make up, which was easier since Mari just glamoured it onto herself with Portia giving either thumbs up or down. Eventually, they settled onto simple mascara and a bit of eyeshadow. Then came hair, which both Mari and Portia agreed should just be kept in a simple braid.

“We still have two hours left,” Mari remarked as Portia braided, “pretty good. If not for you, I’d be stuck on the clothes until tomorrow morning.”

“You exaggerate.” Portia smiled. “But yeah, we’ve done well. I’ll have more than enough time to help Ilya out. Hey, I could even give you two matching outfits!” Her eyes lit up with excitement. “How cute would that be?”

Mari rolled her eyes. “Tropey as hell.” She chuckled. “But adorable indeed. Does Jul- I mean Ilya even own something not black, white or red?”

Portia paused. She paused for a long time. “…I thiiiiink that he has one pair of green socks?” She said hesitantly. “I’m not sure, though. Those might have been mine.”

Mari burst out laughing, some of the tension leaving her. She repeated the cards’ advice in her mind. Follow your instinct, talk, don’t overthink things. Follow your instinct, talk, don’t overthink things. Follow your instinct, talk, don’t overthink things…

“Okay, I’m done.” Portia threw the braid over Mari’s shoulder to let her look at it. “How is it?”

“Perfect.” She got up to give her best friend a hug. “You’re a lifesaver, Portia.”

Portia hugged her back, giggling. “I’m the glue holding your relationship together – without me, you’d both freak out and run away from each other because you’re both scared of messing up.”

“That’s… disturbingly accurate.” Mari frowned, pulling away, but it didn’t take long for her to smile again. “Thank you so much, Portia, I mean it. Now run off before my boyfriend tries to break up with me because he’s not as glamorous as I deserve or something. I’ll clean up.”

“Okay! Let me know how the date went. Or not. I’m sure that Ilya won’t shut up about it tomorrow. Take care!” With that, the door closed and Mari was left alone in the apartment. She looked around her room, at the towering stacks of clothes she and Portia dragged out of her closet in search of something suitable.

Yep, definitely time for more tea.

~~~ 

Portia found her brother sprawled out on the floor in the middle of his room, arm over his eyes and clothes scattered all around him.

“I cannot do this.” He cried out. “Pasha, I’m a failure. What kind of boyfriend am I if I can’t even pick something to wear for a bloody date?”

“A dorky one.” Portia sighed, picking up a blazer and hanging it on a nearby chair. “Now get your dramatic ass up and stop wallowing in self-pity.” Honestly, even Nadia on her period AND with a headache was easier to dress than these two. “We have two hours to get you looking presentable and, knowing you, it’s gonna be a crunch.”

“Argh, fine.” He sat up, pouting. “Where were you, anyway?”

“That’s going to be my dirty little secret. Now, let’s see what you’ve got.” Portia took a quick glance around the room, hand on her hip. “Shirt first. Don’t go too extravagant…” _Or you’ll give your girlfriend a heart attack because I’ve just told her to go all casual._ “Oh!” There was a red t-shirt lying in the corner. That was promising. 

Julian eyed it critically when Portia handed it to him. “I don’t know, Pasha.” He frowned. “I don’t think it matches my hair. Plus, it’s too cold for t-shirts.”

Portia pouted, taking it from his hands and folding it neatly. “Fine. Let’s try something else.”

And try they did but truth be told, Julian didn’t have much in terms of casual – that man didn’t know how to be anything other than dramatic.

Just when they were about to give up and go for that one white shirt with ridiculously puffy sleeves, Julian’s eye landed on something half-buried under a pile of black coats. He went over to retrieve it.

“Huh.”

It was a black cable-knit sweater that Julian didn’t even realise he owned. It was rather simple but kind of classy.

“This’ll do, right?”

Portia almost jumped out of her skin with relief. Yes! A sweater! Perfect! 

“Absolutely!” She clapped her hands. “Three quarters of Mari’s entire wardrobe is dedicated to sweaters.” She didn’t elaborate on how she knew it, and Julian didn’t ask. 

Things were easy from there, mostly since most of Julian’s trousers were pretty much the same and he only owned five pairs of shoes. They finished just in time.

“Thank you so much Pasha you’re the best sister in the world you can have the rest of the hot cocoa in the cupboard next to the fridge you know the one the jar is behind the coffee tin and the water in the kettle is still hot because I made coffee I love you I’ll call you later bye!” Julian word-vomited, kissing Portia’s both cheeks before bolting out through the door. She wondered just how much coffee he had, and decided that she didn’t want to know.

~~~

Mari glanced at her watch. Twenty minutes before the arranged time. She came forty minutes earlier, just in case, and was currently freaking out a little. Was this the right place? The right time? What if Julian didn’t come? Valentine’s Day was today, right? Oh goodness…

Another gulp of chamomile tea from her flask. Just to calm her nerves. 

Okay, she took a deep breath. _Relax, Mari,_ she told herself. _Julian won’t quit on you, Portia said that everything will be fine, the cards said that everything will be fine, you’re just overthinking. As you always do._

“Mari?” A familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Oh, thank goodness. 

“Julian, hi!” She stood up with a bright smile, slipping the thermos flask back into her bag, when she saw Julian approach, holding something behind his back. “You’re early.” _Idiot,_ she mentally slapped herself. _You’re early too._

“Hello yourself.” Julian grinned, producing a bouquet of beautiful blue flowers from behind his back. “I couldn’t wait to see you, my dear.” Inwardly, he was hyperventilating. Those flowers, after preparation, can be turned into deadly poison. Will Mari appreciate them? Does she even know what they are? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Mari gasped, hands flying up to cover her rapidly widening smile. “A-are those for me?” She stuttered out. _No, they’re for the goddamn waitress. Why do you think he’s giving them to you?!_

Julian was beyond relieved when she took them, eyes fluttering closed as she smelled the faintly glowing petals. Oh, she looked beautiful like this; cheeks flushed from the cold, hair tied back into a slightly messy braid, and that adorable smile playing on her lips. 

“How did I ever think I could live without you?” He sighed, realised that he said it out loud, had a miniature heart attack, and cleared his throat. “I…I mean, um, yeah. I’m glad that you like them.”

They went inside the small but cozy diner, sitting in a booth near the window. _The Rowdy Raven_ was their mutual favourite place to hang out, mostly due to the memories it invoked. The waitress came and took their orders (“Just the usual for us, Amber”) and it wasn’t long before they were chatting over sweet pancakes and tea, all awkwardness forgotten.

“I love your sweater.” Mari gestured with her fork at Julian’s unzipped coat. 

He looked down at it, blushing and mentally thanking the universe for Portia’s existence. “You do? Well, thank you. I don’t wear it often even though I should.”

“Mhm.” She nodded, taking him in and still somewhat unable to wrap her head around how they’ve managed to end up together. First of all, Julian was well out of her league. Second of all, he was on the run when they first met. Third of all, she had no idea how to interact with people outside of work. Fourth of all, the way Julian’s hair fell over the eyepatch was so cute, ugh… wait, what was she thinking about? Oh, wait!!!

“You know, I have something for you too.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a rather thick tome bound in black leather. She slid it across the table. 

Julian reached for it with a mixture of shock and delight. “For me?” He repeated. “No, my dear, you shouldn’t ha…” The words died in his throat when he looked at the cover.

 _The Illustrated Encyclopaedia of Medicine: Vol. 1-5,_ the title read in silver letters. Below it there was a drawing of a plague doctor’s mask, also lined with silver

“I-I hope that you haven’t read this one yet,” Mari said, fiddling with her scarf, something Julian noticed she did when nervous. “I saw it in the bookstore the other day and thought of you.”

He flipped through the pages, eye sliding over the paragraphs of text and detailed illustrations. It even had a red ribbon bookmark. Black, silver, red. His favourite colours.

“I shall treasure this.” He said, probably more seriously than he intended. But hell, the book was a spot-on gift if he ever saw one. If someone harmed it in any way, Julian knew in his gut that he would murder everyone in the immediate vicinity and then himself. He leaned over the table to give Mari a kiss. “Thank you.”

She jumped a little, momentarily startled, but kissed back with a smile he felt more than saw. 

“I’m happy that you like it.” She said when they pulled away. “I had Portia raid your bookshelf to ensure that you didn’t have this one.” That girl was beyond invaluable, honestly.

Julian laughed, taking a sip from his cup. Why didn’t that surprise him?

Conversation flowed easily from there on, and it wasn’t long before they both finished their food, paid, and left the diner in favour of taking a walk through Vesuvia’s crowded streets.

Julian noted with satisfaction that Mari slipped her hand into his, even going as far as swinging their hands a little as she talked about this new book Asra bought her during one of his travels. Something about a vampire hunter tracking down a particularly powerful vampire, only to discover that it was something much worse and- ack, spoilers! No spoilers for you, Julian!

He kissed her again. It felt so good to be able to kiss her whenever he wanted, to be allowed to be around her without fearing that she would get hurt because of him. That fear passed a little after he saw just what she could do with a sword AND magic, but still...

“What do you want to do now?” He asked. “Park? Beach? Shopping? We could crash another play, too. The last time was fun.”

Mari laughed, recalling the event. “Maybe later.” She said, genuinely considering visiting a theatre. For now, though, she produced a paper bag and took out two pink cupcakes.

Julian raised an eyebrow. “Dessert?” He asked.

“Dessert.” She confirmed, handing him one. “Apparently they’re really good – haven’t tried yet. I was hoping to try them with you.”

He blushed; he really should’ve gotten her something more than just flowers. Oh well, he’s bound to find something on the market. For now, dessert time.

The cupcake was actually really good. Julian wasn’t a fan of sweet things, but this one was a perfect balance between strawberry and vanilla with little chocolate flakes. He understood why people liked them.

Mari glanced at him as she ate hers. Julian seemed to be really enjoying himself, which was good. It seemed that all the overthinking was for nothing as usual. The cupcake seemed to be up to his standards too.... ah, there was a piece of chocolate on the corner of his mouth.

 _Follow your instinct,_ the cards told her, so she did. Standing on her tiptoes, Mari placed a hand on Julian’s shoulder for support and kissed the flake off, licking her lips as she pulled away.

“Oh.” He said, a little flustered. “Thank you.” Whether it was for getting rid of the chocolate or for the kiss Mari didn’t know, but she suspected that it was both. Adorable dork.

They walked in silence for a while before Julian’s eye caught something shiny on one of the shop displays along the street. Was it…? Yes, it was.

A pair of earrings shaped like tiny swords.

He immediately steered Mari in that direction.

“I’m buying you these.” He informed her, already reaching for his wallet as he entered the shop. Perfect! The book was silver, shiny and relevant to his interests. The earrings were silver, shiny and relevant to Mari’s interests. Besides, what could be more romantic than swords?

“Julian, no, you don’t have to!” She called after him, face already turning as red as her scarf. To be fair, the earrings were lovely, but ughhhh, Mari didn’t like when people spent money on her. 

"Here you go.” Julian chirped, handing her a tiny black box as he exited the shop. She took it gingerly

“At least tell me that they weren’t expensive.” She begged.

He kissed her. “They were relatively cheap in comparison to the price I would be willing to pay to make you happy, my dear.” He said, watching Mari’s blush intensify. She looked adorable.

“Thank you.” She mumbled, opening the box to examine the earrings. They really were beautiful, with a tiny diamond in the middle of each rain guard. “I really could stab someone with these.” 

“I will look forward to seeing that.” Julian grinned, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

She shot him a glare that held no threat whatsoever. “Careful, Devorak,” she pointed one sword in his direction, “that someone just might be you.”

Julian would be lying if he said that he would mind that. “Later.” He promised. “How about we head back? My place or yours?"

“Mine if you don’t mind.” It was closer and didn’t have Portia around. Plus, her apartment had an electric fireplace; the Devoraks’ one didn’t.

“Lead the way, then.”

~~~ 

“I’m talking hypothetically here,” Julian practically moaned as he sprawled himself all over the soft, cozy armchair in the living room, “but if we ever decide to live together, let’s live here. Like, forever. I’ll help pay the rent and everything.” Whoever invented the electric faux fireplace was a genius, he decided. “And the electricity bills.”

Mari just smiled, handing him a cup of mulled wine. “Thanks but no thanks.” She giggled. “This apartment has enough room for either my books or your clothes; both would make it burst at the seams.”  
“True.” Julian took a sip, feeling liquid fire spread all over his body. Mmmmmm. “Hey, I know how we could pay for rent; open a library! You have more books than anyone I’ve ever met. Soon your library will outmatch Nadia’s.”

“Absolutely out of the question.” Mari shook her head definitively. “You have to be at least level six friend to be allowed to borrow my books. Anyone lower than that is forbidden. Like, Portia is level eight friend, Nadia is level five, Asra is level ten, and you’re my boyfriend, which makes you level thirteen.”

“Lucky me.” He grinned, downing the contents of his cup before setting it on the coffee table, next to the vase which held the flowers. “You know, I always thought you a bookworm, but you’re definitely more of a book _wyrm._ ”

“That’s right,” Mari snapped her teeth at him, “touch my books without permission and I’ll set you on fire.”

She was so impossibly cute.

“Speaking of books,” Julian reached for his new one, “mind if I start reading this one now? I’ve been itching to dig in since I got it.”

Mari beamed, standing up and approaching one of the numerous bookshelves that lined the walls. “Not at all.” She took out one novel and cheerfully plopped down on the armrest next to Julian. “Mind if I continue reading this one?”

“Not at all.”

~~~ 

Three hours later, Portia received a text.

_Ilyushka: Sorry Pasha, can’t make it home today._

Attached was a picture of Julian sitting in an armchair with Mari practically sitting on his lap, head resting against his chest, snoozing without a care in the world.

_Ilyushka: Tell my coffee that I love it._

She shook her head with a smile, texting back.

_Pasha: stay where u are. maybe u will finally get some sleep too_

_Ilyushka: Don’t count on it ;)_

_Pasha: blocked_

~~~

Meanwhile somewhere else in Vesuvia…

A tall elf clad in a graphite grey lab coat was observing the two lovebirds via a small mirror. “Nope, they’re still together. I don’t think the guy chickened out yet.”

“Good.” His shadow twitched, shifted ever so slightly and detached itself from the wall it was being cast on. It examined the image closely. “Mari doesn’t deserve another heartbreak.”

"Then again,” the elf waved his hand and the image vanished, “it would’ve been fun to cut this guy apart, don’t you think? Find out how far we can push him until he breaks, masochism or no.”

“Yeah.” The shadow made a gesture with its hand and a bag of gummi worms materialised out of thin air. He opened it and ate one. “But hey, we have other losers to torture, right? This Julian guy is off the hook until either they break up or he’s no longer able to distract Mari from our business.”

The elf glanced at him, then at the gummi worms, and dipped his hand into the bag. “Fair enough. Say, how mad do you think Mari will be once she figures out what we did? From a scale of one to berserk?” He shoved a bunch of worms into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Oh, they’re the sour variety. Nice.”

“Only the best for you, babe.” The shadow seemed to grin, taking one more, throwing it in the air and catching it into its mouth. “I’d say _‘screaming but no actual violence.’_ You know Mari; all bark but no bite unless people get hurt. Then she flies off the handle.”

The elf glared. “People _did_ get hurt, Vex.” He reminded.

The shadow named Vex shook its head. “No.” It said. “They have been kidnapped, not hurt.” It grinned again, this time displaying a nasty set of sharp teeth. “They will soon be hurt, but that’s beside the point. They aren’t yet, so she has no rights to complain.”

The elf took another handful of gummi worms. “Good point.” He mused. “Our arrangement does indeed state that she only can physically attack us if conscious beings have been harmed in any way. Since they haven’t, we’re chill.”

“Yep.” Vex made another gesture, and two cups of green slushie appeared. He passed one to his companion. “Cheers to loopholes, then, Eric.”

Eric lifted his slushie in a toast. “And cheers to edgy boyfriends who keep our nemesis out of our way!”

Valentine’s Day was the day of love, and if that love happened to be between an evil mad scientist who accidentally sold his soul to an eldritch entity, and said eldritch entity, then it was nothing more than other people’s problem.

Somewhere else in Vesuvia, Nadia felt the beginnings of another headache.


End file.
